Who do you want to be when you grow up?

Occasionally, conversations with friends really point out to me the things that are missing in my life. Sometimes due to my own fault, sometimes due to things out of my control.
This in turn brings me to thinking about what changes need to be made, what changes can conceivably be made, and what the outcomes might be.
Case in point, the question is .. "What are you going to be when you grow up?"
The obvious answer, of course, is that I *am* grown up. But the real question lies underneath... What will you do, who will you be, when the children are grown and gone, when you no longer 'have' to work (retired), when your days and your nights are your own.. what will you do? What drives YOU, the person? Not you, the parent, not you, the husband, wife, partner, friend, employee, chauffeur, referee,chef, personal shopper, budget planner, etc... but you, yourself. What is your greatest passion? Is it something you pursue now? Is it something you plan to pursue down the road? What things interest you? What do you love? What things can you not do without?

All of these questions have brought me to a real crisis of self... I don't know what defines me. I went from being literally "Mrs." to being "my kids' mom" and there I stay. I don't like to think of it as stagnant, really... but in being 'my kids' mom' I am often forced to do for them rather than taking time for myself. I had to drop out of school, (I really want to have a degree someday but it's getting pretty late in my life to actually enjoy a career in what I want to do) I have a job that pays the bills (sort of) but is not what I want to do, and it doesn't provide for any benefits or future security. I have no time to pursue any great passion, not to mention the fact that I don't even know what that would be...

So.. What changes have to be made to bring the security and satisfaction that my life is lacking? Will I be able to make those changes when I figure out (if I figure out) what they are? Will I have time to pursue a dream, ever?
Who do I want to be when I grow up??

Dilemmas...

I haven't posted in a long time.
No, I really mean a LONG time...
I can't seem to get past the daily frustrations and post something clever or funny or even...gasp... entertaining!
So it will suffice to give a simple status update...
Seventeen year old daughters are AMAZING!!!
I have a son who is not only kind and funny but helps put food on the table (pictures NOT included, you are welcome!)
Younger daughter makes her stage debut tomorrow in the local theater.... I can't wait!!
And my Roo is crazy,funny, goofy, annoying, aggravating and adorable.

More later this week... there's a lot in the brain, just not much on the page!

Too busy to blog?

I realized today that I hadn't blogged since we got the ducks.

I'm happy to report that the ducks are well, and growing. I believe we are about 3-4 weeks from release to the pond. I will sort of miss them - their quacking is so cute...

At any rate, my title... "Too busy to blog"...
Seriously? You'd think with all the things going on in my life that I'd have time to sit down and write VOLUMES regarding the general in's and out's of the days' events. But I have NO TIME!!

It will have to suffice at this point to say that our lives are again undergoing some changes as we enter into our (hopefully warmer) summer season...
A new driver in the family (she gets her license in.. 53 days! )
A new job schedule (2 kids being employed does change the dynamic a bit!)
A new sport (just til school is out - my sprite is running crosscountry this year)
and a new therapist and psych, which I'm hoping will bring a bit more peace to our home, although I am anticipating at this point that it will also bring MORE therapy appointments, which means of course, that I'll be busier.
and a lower income, as I have had to drop more time from work in order to be available to care for the youngest during summer, as we have no other options for certified care.
This may have a dual effect of making the other children eligible for insurance, but it does definitely damage the budget and we'll be learning to live even more frugally than we have been for the last 5 years. While I am trying to look at this as a challenge to my already sharpened budget and couponing skills, I must admit some hesitancy, and even fear, regarding our financial status for the summer. It's been very tight, I believe now it will be bordering on dangerous.
All the more reason for me to be at home an extra day a week, and plan very carefully for every trip in the vehicle, every meal, and the best prices possible on everything that we need!

Do you coupon? Or bargain shop? Inquiring minds (mine!) want to know where you find your best deals!! Please comment and share!

Duck-walking...

Ok, not really duck 'walking'... more like 'duck-caring'.... In my Oh-so-intelligent mother moment yesterday, I agreed to allow my children to raise ducklings. WHAT? you might ask.... You see, I simply can not resist 2 things ... the first thing - adorable baby animals of any kind (except insects or spiders, which are most defnitely NOT adorable...) and the second thing - the pleading eyes/voices of my offspring. Therefore... We are now the proud care-takers of 6 little 3 day old ducklings, henceforth known as: Quackmire Sir Quackington Cheese Quackers Nigel Puddles

The picture above is of Cheese and Quackers :)

These ducks are all mallard ducklings - well known in the duck world as 'social' ducks, and will do very well at 10 or so weeks of age to be released into the pond at my parent's cabin. They are adorable. They are not loud quackers (yet). They don't eat as much as I thought they might. They think their water bowl/feeder is a swimming pool already. And their dark little eyes, downy ducky bodies and tiny webbed feet are the cutest.thing.EVER!!! That being said - my youngest daughter had friends spend the night last night and the girls were up til 4am 'taking care of the ducks'. They arose again this morning at first quack (approx 7am) and there are now 6 tired ducklings and 3 tired girls residing in my living room. HAHA!! I believe in allowing the kids to explore wildlife and personally I think that raising a few ducks will be fun, not too challenging, and a good lesson in 'the circle of life' - as these ducks will never really be domesticated (HOA rules most likely say that I can not keep the ducks in the yard as pets) and they are not likely to really stick around at my parents cabin - ducks will revert back to 'wild' relatively quickly. However if they do choose to remain on the pond for the summer and fall then the children will be able to watch them grow. The kids are already asking about raising chicks next year - they think Grandma and Grandpa need a henhouse!! I think I won't mention that to my Dad quite yet....

And then life catches up again...

I wrote this post about 10 times. No matter what I say it sounds like whining. So I deleted it again. So there.

A proud moment

Everyone knows that raising teenagers is sometimes a frustrating experience (to say the least!)
However, there are times when you just simply are SO PROUD of your child, that you have to say 'something' about it. I had one of those moments yesterday... :)

D-Dawg, my 14 year old, is your typical young teen. A bit of attitude, a bit of selfishness, and the kindest heart and sweetest soul you'll ever meet.
He was recently invited to go with a friend on Spring Break - an opportunity that I can not provide for my children. The trip was even more enticing as it included kayaking, swimming and snorkeling, and a chance to visit a famous restaurant belonging to a cook/chef that my son really enjoys. Not to mention the fact that it would be 7 whole days of no-sisters, no-brother, no-mom fun!!
He was also asked to go and work for a family friend, planting trees and doing general yard-scape and hard labor work, for the same days.

As a mother, it's very hard to 'not' make a decision for your children. I felt that he 'should' help the family friend, who has been very kind and generous to our family for a number of years... but I knew that the opportunity for a vacation with a friend was a very strong pull for my young man. We discussed the pros and cons, and I left the decision up to him.

Late yesterday, he told his friend he was sorry but he would not be able to go on vacation with him.

I am extremely proud of this very difficult decision, and I know how much it hurt him to give up the opportunity. Additionally, his friend was hurt and upset, but we are hoping they will be able to patch things up. In turn, I am hopeful that this family friend will understand what a difficult choice this was for my son, and include a bit of fun along with the hard labor.

I have to say that I am truly amazed and humbled by my son today. I am not sure I would have been strong enough to make the same choice at his age.

A frustrating activity

So the latest activity for my Roo seems to be the newfound 'gift' of sneaking things he feels he is entitled to.
Case in point: Tuesday afternoon Roo was picked up from the bus by his grandfather, a favorite thing!! Grandpa brought him home and gave him yogurt and a banana for a snack. Being the only child in the house, there was no argument about what was for snack. A while later, sister and brother arrived at the house with Grandma. There was no offer of yogurt or a banana for the elder children, and Grandma gave them permission to have a cookie while she was preparing dinner.
After realizing that the elder children received COOKIES from Grandma, Roo decided he was entitled to cookies as well, although he had already eaten yogurt AND a banana, and it was nearly time for dinner. Grandma refused, telling him that after dinner he could have a cookie.

So... whilst everyone else was busy in the house, Roo took the box of cookies and ate them ALL (TEN COOKIES!!!) and helped himself to not just one, but TWO cans of soda as well.
Of course, at dinner time, he was not hungry and did not finish his meal. But Grandma, being Grandma, felt that perhaps she had given him too much food, and allowed him to not finish his plate.
After dinner, Grandpa gave him ice cream!! And you can bet that he ate EVERY SINGLE BITE!!

Is it any wonder the child was wired for sound?
We're all a bit wiser now that the empty cookie box and empty soda cans have been found stuffed behind the piano and couch - the snacks and drinks at my house are now under lock and key, and Grandma and Grandpa are doing the same.

Little stinker....